20091226

悶蛋

有一種人叫做悶蛋,你我都一定認識一兩個。說悶蛋像杯白開水,是老掉牙的比喻,而且不很貼切,因為我們總要喝白開水,卻不一定要跟悶蛋打交道。悶蛋更像的是杯極淡的茶,徒有茶色,卻無茶味;我們或一不留神,或礙於情面,便喝下了,結果是給它淡出鳥來。

悶蛋大多男的斯文拘謹,女的端莊矜持。他們興趣不廣,甚少是博聞強記;凡事循規蹈矩,不敢越雷池半步,沒有激情,不會憤慨,從不著迷於任何事物,更難有驚人之舉;跟人交談,在今天天氣哈哈哈之後,一定是「最近忙些甚麽?」,三兩句後,便沒有話題。悶蛋的一言一行,像商業公函的標準格式,像招牌上四平八穩的楷書,都在預期之內,全無精采可言。

悶蛋通常不是壞蛋,其實很多壞蛋吸引人之處,正在於他們不悶。不少女孩子寧愛壞蛋,不要悶蛋,因為悶蛋不但甜言蜜語欠奉,連個簡單的笑話也不會講。當然,壞蛋是不宜當丈夫的;於是有些女人在壞蛋、悶蛋、和零蛋之間,還是選擇了終身捧著一隻可靠的悶蛋。


* 這是一篇我相當喜歡的舊文,曾刊於《明報周刊》。我懷疑文章的最後兩句令我得失了一兩個女性朋友。

8 則留言:

  1. 壞蛋和悶蛋之外,還有一些好蛋的。不過,找丈夫真的不要找壞蛋。遇不到不是壞蛋的,就寧願唔食蛋。

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  2. 不過唔食蛋食什麼? 難道...

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  3. 悶蛋的出路是什麼? 做壞蛋?

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  4. 獨自思潮,

    悶蛋是天生的,改不了。

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  5. 悶蛋的命運注定是悶,他們生存的價值和意義是什麼?

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  6. 獨自思潮,

    //悶蛋的命運注定是悶,他們生存的價值和意義是什麼?//

    - 除了悶不悶,人生還有很多其他方面的。

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  7. I am a 零蛋. I have to thank my wife for keeping me for years. --zpdrmn

    A joke:
    Most men (can't use "all men" here since Mr. Wong is a philosopher)...
    Most men are two 零蛋 with a 壞蛋 (or sausage) in the middle, together 零蛋 and 壞蛋 make three 好蛋 and never are 悶蛋.

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  8. Mr.Wong,this is an interesting article, I married my wife for 24 years, sometime she did complained I was not good man and don't respect or understand her. Anyhow, she still loved me and I love her, even we don't understand sometime.
    This is one of my poem to my wife, written three years ago, when I learned to use bread make to bake bread for her. She loved it very much.
    Bakers Words
    This loaf of bread is truly heavy
    Like my body
    So hard to cut
    Like my old habit
    That bother you so much
    Bread without yeast, won't rise
    Man without love, goes dry
    So if I do make worst loaf
    Is it because the clue I missed
    Or something I forget to add
    I am just a lousy baker
    Love is only ingredient I got
    I pray God
    To keep our love
    In the loaf of bread
    Intact

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