20130510

美而無趣的女人

唐君毅說「女人一般老了便毫無趣味,以一般女子都缺靈魂深度故也」(見《致廷光書》),可是,如果缺乏靈魂深度是沒有趣味的原因,為何(缺乏靈魂深度的)女人到老了才毫無趣味?在這兩句之前,唐指出「身體的美與年俱衰,只有丰度的美與年俱進」,他的意思也許是:假如一個女人年青時有身體的美,便總算還有點趣味,到年老色衰時,連僅有的趣味也沒有,便是毫無趣味了。

問題是,一個女人的趣味,如果是單靠身體的美,真的能維持到年老色衰時才消失嗎?這裏的所謂「有趣味」,我的理解是:在某些方面令人與其相處時感到樂趣。身體的美給人的樂趣,雖然有可能純粹是美感的欣賞,例如視一個美麗的女人為天然的藝術品,是美的化身,可遠觀而不可褻玩焉;然而,對大多數凡夫俗子來說,那樂趣主要還是情慾的。

身體的美在短時間內不會有多大的變化,可是,情慾的滿足卻容易生厭;假如一個女人的趣味只在於她身體的美,那麼,除非她在裝扮上力求多變,或者不隨便滿足男方的情慾,令其渴求持續,否則,男的因為日久生厭而見異思遷,可說是意料中事。到那個時候,雖然女人跟從前一樣的美,在那男人眼中,她已經成為一個美而無趣的女人了(當然,對其他人來說,她的身體之美仍然可以饒有趣味)。

其實,以上所說的不只適用於單靠身體美的女性,應用到單憑外表吸引人的男性,一樣有效。不過,世上只問情慾的女人比男人來得少,因此,被視為俊而無趣的男人,應該比被視為美而無趣的女人少得多。

8 則留言:

  1. 紅樓夢說女人是水做的,嫁了男人就變成了污泥。照紅樓夢的看法,少女可愛的是她們的純真得來有夢想,愛美麗、愛詩詞文學、愛遊玩,沒有機心,所以珍貴。
    女人變老不一定變差,只是確實有很多女人,結婚以後,少女情懷便沒有了,三姑六婆聚埋一齊打麻雀,講八卦新聞,除了湊仔好像沒有了生存意義。那樣的女人就變成了母親的身份,人會容易變得現實和斤斤計較,是這樣令人失去了遐想,令男人也覺得「冇癮」。不是每一個女人都是這樣,也有很多女人可以老了一樣令人覺得不失莊重優雅,像昂山素姬,英女皇,柯得里夏萍,到了老來一樣令人尊敬!

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    1. 其實老男人中沒趣的也很多。

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    2. 老男人和老女人都很多沒趣,但是,一般人眼中,少女純真,稱作可愛,少男純真,稱作……

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  2. A bit science. Experiments letting subjects inflict pain (like using electric shocks) or be inflicted pain show that women, in general, are more compassionate than men. Men, in general, are more indifferent to others' pain.
    Men, in general, tend to be (much?) more overconfident too. (Sometimes it has disastrous consequences, like underestimate their enemies and start wars, which are expected to be short but turns out to be long and bloody.)
    A bit "history." Sure, if you won the wars and, especially, kill off all (or most) of your enemies, take their lands, women, and properties, then you have plenty of time to do things to deepen your "靈魂深度" and some other things too.
    唐君毅說的男人靈魂深度, compared with women's, is like that? --zpdrmn.

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    1. 一般人的情況對身處深宮,手握大權,一聲令下就能把人命當棋子舞的當權者未必通用。歷史上的女性當權者一樣有大量發動戰爭,殘殺異己的紀錄。

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    2. gengar,
      Sure. I just talked about those events in general, not certain cases in particular. However, if you look way back, starting, let's say, from tribal societies or look at our relatives (in evolution) chimpanzees, most attacks were done by males. That's a way of maximizing the likelihood of spreading a male's genes (or a group of related males' genes). Females, on the other hand, didn't have to do that or had much less incentive to do that considering the cost and benefit.
      So, I won't say what's good, what's bad. It has a lot to do with the biology.

      Male overconfidence (compare with female's) has been shown in experiments and some observations (with collection of data).
      Some questions: (I don't know the answers.)
      I was talking about wars between two countries above. When ''女性當權者一樣有大量發動戰爭, 殘殺異己,'' do they usually did that by war with other countries (overconfidence or not was likely more relevant here) or they just killed people in their own countries? If it's the former, I wonder if their advisers were mostly males or females. If the female rulers made their decisions on starting wars consulting mostly female advisers or made them on their own without consulting others, were they overconfident or did they underestimate their enemies?
      A survey of the percentage of male rulers started wars vs that of female rulers is helpful here. How long did the the wars last? Did they won the wars? (The last two questions may tell something about overconfidence.)
      If there is evidence that females rulers, with little male influences, were as overconfidence as male rulers or even more so, that is something. (May be a paper there, see if some journal accepts it.)

      I know I was too loose last time, even though I mostly paraphrased some works of a researcher.
      --zpdrmn.

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    3. 我說「歷史上的女性當權者一樣有大量發動戰爭,殘殺異己的紀錄」,沒有評論她們是否overconfident,只是說,身在深宮,處於高位,不在前線,不用親自操刀,一聲令下可以取無數人命,完全不用弄污自己的手,再加上作為政客的權力慾和自我膨脹,不論男女都大可以indifferent to others' pain。

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    4. Oh, that.
      We can still ask similar questions or try to find out more about it. See if the general statement, on indifference about average women, is wrong about 女性當權者, compared with 男性當權者. --zpdrmn

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