20100417

嫌隙這條隙

兩個人之間生過嫌隙,便很難回復到從前的關係,就算口裏說「沒事了」、「不會介懷」,加上行為上都做到跟以往看來沒有兩樣,那條隙始終在那裏,可能只是幼若游絲,卻仍然是一條分隔線,而且隨時會再次擴大,甚至一觸即擴。很多時候所謂冰釋前嫌,冰釋了還有一灘水,水蒸發了還留下水漬,你可以裝作看不到,但騙得了人騙不到自己。

為何嫌隙會這麼難完全消除?我沒有一個全面的解釋,只能就自己的經驗說一下。引起嫌隙的事,往往涉及其中一方的自尊受損;即使只是誤會,自尊損了就是損了。自尊這東西,是會認人的,一旦受某人損了,再見那人,那受損 之感便會如影隨形般重現,要忘記那件引起嫌隙的事便不容易了。

假如你和我有嫌隙,那麼我眼中的你,你眼中的我,我眼中的你眼中的我,和你眼中的我眼中的你都很可能因而改變,嫌隙的那條隙不必大,都可以種下了疑忌和不信任,永遠隔開兩人。

4 則留言:

  1. Is there any way to mend and reconcile?

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  2. Olivia,

    Of course there is, but my point is that it is hard for the relationship to be restored to how it used to be.

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  3. Do you agree that love conquers all, including this problem? Love is the something that turns a person irrationally faithful in the other person and enormously forgiving. Perhaps it will also need a thorough and empathetic understanding of human nature that everyone is fallible and make (big) mistakes that hurt the other. But when it comes to "why do I have to forgive," love seems to be the only reason. A relationship of love, e.g. parent-child, is by nature (at least partially) irrational and therefore cost-benefit calculation simply is not applicable.

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  4. Olivia,

    No, I don't believe that love conquers all. However, I do agree that the kind of problem I talked about would not arise as easily in the case of two people who are in a relationship of love.

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