20131021

父子 ‧ 手錶 ‧ 時間

生平的第一隻手錶,是父親買給我的。錶,早已不知去向,但我仍然清楚記得它的款式和顏色。我跟父親的關係從來都不好,關於父親的記憶,大多是不快之事;只有這隻手錶,我每次記起,都有一絲溫暖的感覺。

家境清貧,小學時期腕上無錶,那年我剛升上中學,向父親要求買一隻手錶;他答應了,過了不久,有一天竟帶我到港島區一間鐘錶舖去買錶。我們家住九龍,從前交通沒有現在那麼方便,要搭巴士搭船轉車,這一程相當遠。我記得那天除了買錶,父親還帶我上酒樓吃午飯,那幾乎是絕無僅有的事;我記不起吃的是甚麼,也相信當時和父親沒有多講說話,但這一天在我生命裏是特別的一天。

我和阿樂的關係當然比我和父親的好得多了,時常有傾有講,然而,無獨有偶,我們也有一個父子間的手錶故事。

阿樂的第一隻手錶是三歲時的一份生日禮物,雁嬸嬸(我的弟婦)送他的;之後他有幾隻手錶,不是別人送的就是媽媽買的,但他一直沒有戴錶的習慣,到升上高中,才開始天天戴錶上學。他戴的是運動型的手錶,有一天,他忽然對我說想要一隻「斯文」的手錶,即錶身較薄,錶帶最好是皮的那種。本來想立刻買一隻新的給他,卻記起自己還有幾隻放在一旁沒用的手錶,不如給他揀一隻暫時戴著,遲些才買新的。

我拿出一個長方形的木盒子,裏面有五六隻手錶,都是我曾經戴過的,大多保存得很好,看來一點也不舊。阿樂揀了一會,終於選定了一隻,我望著手錶,隨便說了一句:「呀,這隻手錶是我在讀研究院時一直戴著的,款式和顏色都不錯吧!」阿樂點了點頭,將手錶拿去,我也很快就忘記了這件事。

過了好幾個月,一天放學回家途中,阿樂忽然伸出右手,望著手錶,對我說:「爸爸,很多謝你送給我這隻手錶!我真的很喜歡。」我說:「一隻舊錶吧了,遲些買一隻新的給你。」他連忙答道:「不,我就是喜歡這一隻,不必買新的。這是你讀研究院時戴的錶,你送給我,對我來說有特別的意義。」他沒有解釋他說的「有意義」是甚麼意思,我也沒有追問;我想,他大概是指將手錶送他是象徵了期許和承傳。

這兩年我多想了一些和時間有關的哲學問題,也許會寫一兩篇論文,但那只是抽象的形上學,不能觸及歲月有情的一面。我忘不了父親當年送我手錶,也不會忘記阿樂怎樣看待我送給他的這隻手錶;三個人,兩隻手錶,便串起了這相隔的數十年,令無心的時間有了人間的溫情。

50 則留言:

  1. 淡淡道來 父親 兒子 兒子當了父親 兒子 情永在!

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  2. 王教授寫親情文章真好看,請多寫!

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  3. 很喜歡這篇文章,清淡的文字背後是濃厚的親情。

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  4. >> 他連忙答道:「不,我就是喜歡這一隻,不必買新的。這是你讀研究院時戴的錶,你送給我,對我來說有特別的意義。」

    To me, it was equivalent to saying that he loves you and that he knows that you love him. (Most probably nothing more.)

    ("Getting your watch" would be like owning a part of you and keeping a part of your past, which anchors a "time reference / sense of time" leading to his current being, as that watch is most probably older than or is "getting old" with him. Also that watch completes a story, telling and relating to him what you were doing while [you were & he is] wearing it.)

    >> 關於父親的記憶,大多是不快之事; ... 家境清貧

    I know you can be more forgiving. Most probably he wasn't as lucky as you are. Most probably he is not as well-educated as you are. Most probably he was more frustrated than you are. Most probably he didn't have as much opportunity as your are.

    Most probably you choose to remember the less important things more than the more important things.

    Most probably he and you had very diverse ways to show/ask for love.

    Most probably you had never been in his shoes to see what he saw and to feel what he felt.

    >> 過了不久,有一天竟帶我到港島區一間鐘錶舖去買錶...

    It shows that your father also loved you as much as you to your son. (Maybe your father was wanting/waiting you to love him too?! Maybe he did that on purpose that special day, making it like an outing, making it special to him and making it special to you, and making a patch-up?!)

    >> 我跟父親的關係從來都不好...

    Obviously it is your problem. A problem of not letting go the bad things. If your father was only good for 1 day, just remember that 1 day. If your father was only good for 1 month, just remember that 1 month. If your father is only good for ....

    A problem of not learning from your son.

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    1. Don't mention it.

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    2. Nth,我求下你,唔好再係度留言啦,真係好核突呀!

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    3. 這樣去「評論」一個不見得跟你有私交的人的私事, 休勿論你說得對還是錯, 都實在是很失禮的一回事.. 你連這點人情世故都不懂嗎? 唉..

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    4. 點解厘到有人看門?? 奇怪 !!

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  5. 王教授,拜讀大作的上半部分,令在下有點難過。家父年青時也是家中傳統式的惡人。在下少時多是冷眼旁觀、默默觀察好與壞。(但從未到達教授說到的 "關係從來都不好" 的地步。)及至下一代的出現,從家父 "湊孫" 的情境,才合拼完成在下的前十數年。年代不同,表達方法也不同。家父年青時的吵鬧聲早已遠去。留下的是家父年老的等待。等待我們歸家、等待孫兒女們放學、等待我們有假期。從小兒女們的身上,又看到自己的身影,又為在下的前十數年添上數筆。教授的大作內容,或多或少在下也經歷過 (even the "手錶" events)。即如古語說:「太陽底下無新事」,來來去去,祇是在交換角色。給人多點體諒,更容易感覺生命存在的意義。家父離世多年,在下近乎每天也想起一些舊身影。終究家父愛我多,還是我愛得多,怎來計算?計來作甚?終是我欠的多。

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    1. 謝謝留言。令尊跟家父,大概不會有很多共同點吧。

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    2. 給人多點體諒,更容易感覺生命存在的意義。

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  6. Nth,

    This is a piece of writing about personal feeling. This is not a typical philosophical article to argue and dissect every sentences underlying meaning. The way you wrote about the response really killed the feeling and purpose. (However, it defines a purpose of someone want to show off that he/she can analysis.)

    No one can ban you leaving comments even though how annoying of your comments were. I guess most of the readers secretly want you to leave badly. You are just so sour, unpleasant and argumentative. If you have time, why don't you create a blog and blogging about your mind somewhere? (I can expect you will leave thousand response after getting fired like that.)

    I personally like this article so much as it is light but with deep affection and reflection about father-son relationship. Not everything has to be dissect and put under a microscope.

    Rosemary

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    1. Some people kills pets brutally, and that could be their personal feelings & hatred leading to that. So do you have the right to voice out to damn that?

      Some people who were abused and never got healed psychologically, and that definitely was their personal feelings. So just let it be. Right?!

      I respect your personal feeling and hope you respect mine.

      I related and sensed something with the current article, so I don't have any right to tell my feeling, but only give "GOOD ARTICLE", "A WINNER", "MY LIKE", "WELL WRITTEN", and some other very positive feedback & nothing else ?? So what's wrong with you that everyone has to be in-sync with your own feeling?

      To me, what is the difference between 王教授 & the 黑人家長 in the other article if I cannot form my own & personal feeling about the current article?!

      If the current article couldn't portrait a fair & balanced picture between all 3 generations, I could only form an impression that 王教授 is as if victimizing himself and creating a spotlight onto himself, showing that he is a better father than his. But at the same time, was he a better son than his own? I don't know.

      Maybe 王教授's father was a rapist, a murderer, a drug dealer, a child molester, or whatever. But 王教授's unsaid treatment towards his father between the lines in the current article, 我吞唔落囉.

      Do you know how hard to earn a living in the 30s, 40s, 50s, 60s, ... in HK?

      I hope 王教授 would one day draw something good out of his relation with his father. In the current article, I see one loving son, and one not-so-loving son. One poor & silent father, and one self-portrait (real? fake?) father.

      Wow, what a wonderful article !! WELL WRITTEN !! I WAS TOUCHED !!

      Are you satisfied?

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    2. 所謂一樣米養百樣人,沒錯的。

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    3. 王教授 的文章中, 已寫了三種人。王教授 有罪 乎?

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  7. It was good story. My son bought me a watch as my 49th birthday gift. It was all metal, black and waterproof.I am wearing it almost everyday.

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  8. The way Nth put it.. for a moment i thought he was actually Prof Wong's father.!

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    1. Thank you for the complement. But 王教授 might not like it.

      ---

      "一粒老鼠屎,足以搞壞一窩粥". This article is a good example.

      Take away or rewrite or expand "我跟父親的關係從來都不好" and rewrite or expand "我和阿樂的關係當然比我和父親的好得多了". That would make this article a very good one about 3 generations of father-son relationship.

      Now it is sort of "矯情" and unbalanced (when grandpa-father takes up 1/4, father-son 3/4).

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  9. nth兄請你唔好介意,
    我好認真咁覺得你需要見下心理醫生或者精神科醫生
    你好有可能有某種人格障礙
    如果得閒,約下醫生傾下當傾心事
    可能可以幫到你

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  10. Nth,

    Here's your profile:
    1. You are 一粒老鼠屎 ;
    2. Your father was/ is or maybe "a rapist, a murderer, a drug dealer, a child molester."
    3. "Most probably YOU were frustrated than who and what you are. Most probably YOU didn't have as much opportunity as WHAT YOU think should deserve."
    4. "Most probably you choose to remember AND WRITE the less important things more than the DOING more important things."
    5."Obviously it is your problem. A problem of not letting go the ANYTHING."
    6. "YOU AND YOUR 家父年青時也是家中傳統式的惡人, OBVIOUSLY.
    7. YOU sure do not know "給人多點體諒,更容易感覺生命存在的意義."

    But, But, we forgive you, as "太陽底下無新事". You are just one of those person full of issues, grievance and hateful.

    "Father, forgive him for he doesn't know what he is doning."
    For your Christ sake, please!!!



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    1. nth,
      Here a few more of your profile from what you've written:

      8. "were abused and never got healed psychologically.:
      9. "hatred leading: to "我吞唔落囉".

      That's that!

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  11. As an outsider, not knowing why 王教授's relationship with his father had turned so "uncomfortable"/bad , and as a traditional 華人, what 王教授 did in this article is already (more or less) 不孝.

    針無兩頭尖, 單手拍不響.

    If 王教授's father wasn't loving to 王教授, then why the 港島區 買錶 event?!

    When / if 王教授 chose to be 不孝, he must have his reasons (which may / may not be valid ones, & I don't know).


    "給人多點體諒" is almost a universal truth. It is almost equivalent to:

    Luke 6:37 "Do not judge, and you will not be judged. Do not condemn, and you will not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven"


    王教授, why not 多點體諒 one who has already passed-away, and in this case, your own father ?

    "Forgive, and you will be forgiven".

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    1. 作為讀者,我能感受到Uncle Wong 的父愛,是基於 Wong Sir 對他的描述。除了文筆好之外,難道他未先感受而後述之? 一個兒子,能公開寫出一段這樣的文字,是父親的安慰和驕傲。

      文中提及,年青時代,父子間关係上的狀態只是陳述,作背景資料,並無爭辨, 抵毀父親之意。

      所有己發生的事實是不能改變。但是,個人對事情的理解,看法, 在心裏,可以對回憶,產生不同的理解。這種變化甚至可以轉化與離世親友的關係。

      很明顯,當兒子身為父親,經歷不同的事情,回望過去,有更新的領會。在無情的歲月裏, 更深體會到親情的温暖。 我為此而高興。 :)

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    2. Hi cat,

      You said it, totally agree. Somehow, I think it is only reader nth did not get it or refuse to get it. He may somehow hold personal grudges towards Wong sir or just simply out of jealousy. Every sentences he wrote was so twisted and derogative. The comment before is right, he is sick.

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  12. nth,

    You are a a traditional 華人,

    You are 不孝 to your father,

    You do not understand the meaning of 給人多點體諒;

    Your father has passed away and you did not receive his forgiveness,

    You are the one who JUDGE and won't forgive others. All the points you made are a reflection of your ugly self.

    YOU ARE SO SICK, SICK, SICK,

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  13. 很明顯Nth乃一病人。

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  14. 老一輩不多言屬寡言不會如洋人般用言語用動作去表達愛尤其是舊日華人家庭父權夫權至上為了維護維持尊嚴與及尊卑之分男主人基於身份不輕易流露感情。

    我讀後的感受就是教授雖然沒直接寫出來卻利用兩個事件三代人的父子情道出他感到父愛雖然來自篇幅較短的上半部。

    至於較長篇幅的下半部教授一開始就指出和兒子阿樂少有傾有講兩父子的感情之佳不用多說到後來教授寫我也沒有追問這不就是愛是用心去感受不須用多言寡言來計算愛。

    不知道樂少的中文水平何如希望他會讀到父親這一篇愛的宣言吧!


    above are just my thoughts

    humbly yours

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    1. 謝謝。阿樂的中文程度仍夠不上看懂這篇文章。

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  15. 我想請問大家,讀哲學書愈睇愈眼訓係咪正常現象?
    因為本人成日都係咁,但又不是沒有興趣.

    yui

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    1. 可能只是因為你睡眠不足。

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  16. 「紅樓夢」語:

    「都道是金玉良姻,俺隻念木石前盟。空對着,山中高士晶瑩雪;終不忘,世外仙姝寂寞林。歎人間,美中不足今方信。縱然是齊眉擧案,到底意難平。」


    王教授,你處處流露出的就是一句 「到底意難平」。 望你有天能 "了悟" & 超越 這句話。

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    1. //你處處流露出的就是一句 「到底意難平」//

      - 這恐怕是閣下的心理投射而已。

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    2. 這是閣下白紙黑字 (or on computer/internet) 記錄在案的。

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  17. 看罷Nth留言,我想起三個字: 過份解讀。

    又或者是蘇東坡和佛印那"心中有佛vs心中有糞" 的故事。

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  18. "也是背影" http://fishandhappiness.blogspot.hk/2010/03/blog-post_29.html

    可不是我寫的。留下 1st reply 後感到奇怪才找出來 verify & confirm & ... 。

    是佛 是糞 都與我無關。

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    1. Verify and confirm what? You are really a sick person.

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  19. Nth,

    For the well-being of this world of homo-sapiens and in the name of your great almighty all-loving all-knowing god, I BEG you, please, save your words on this plagued blog and shine us your witty thoughts somewhere else. Not a thing in this pathetic planet could be more fascinating than seeing your ground-breaking arguments around. If you have your own territory to generously display your great school of thought, I sincerely concur that you would write there. I am sure your die-heart audience have longed to see that. The average readers here just do not worth your words of wisdom.

    F

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  20. To all readers and of course Wong sir,

    No doubt, everyone feel how irritating and annoying this Nth person is. I have some observations about this person to share.

    He ONLY wants to provoke Wong Sir by showing that he can talk philosophy as well as Wong Sir and maybe even better than him. He obviously holds grudges towards Wong Sir. He may be one of Wong's student that once got failed OR a professor wanna be but fail to get a place in the University. He studied Wong's blog inside out, a scary stalker. He tried to find "mistakes" and attack.

    He is pathetic and psychological unbalanced. He has the urges to proof that he is "smarter" than Wong Sir (even Wong Sir you don't care AND that made him even madder like a mad dog.) He has tons of issues and wants attention from ONLY Wong Sir.

    Here my humble suggestions:
    1. Let him masturbate in public, means let him leaves any harsh, unkind, illogical comments. DO NOT respond him. Don't like or dislike him. He is malicious. DO NOT feed his ego, let him jerk off in the public. The more he writes, the more he exposes himself how incoherent, illogical and senseless he is. He has no talent in philosophy.

    2. He leeches off people's comments and Wong Sir response mostly as he has no independent thinking. DO NOT feed him. Just laugh and chill by his ignorant comment.

    3. He may use another 匿名 to publish his work but one can tell from the way he writes: always attacks unkindly, ask people to define this and that, quote his bible or whatever literature he google from. If Wong Sir can ignore him, we can do that too.

    4. Wong Sir, for your own safety, try to track down the location of this particular nth person. I hope he is only a coward hiding in the dark. (Once, my friend had to shut down her blog for some stalkers that she suspected.)

    To conclude, he is a pus that everyone want to squeeze him out, he is like a malicious dog hiding in a corner, waiting to attack and bite. He is sick. But his jealousy will eat him up and HOPE FOR THE BEST THAT one day he will find peace with his own god /life if he has one or pretend to have one.

    That's my 2 cents.

    Rosemary

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  21. This is another "I wasn't going to leave any comment, but what the heck..." of mine.
    I am thinking about my late father quite often, but I am not very articulate about feelings and emotions. So, I am not going to say anything about it.
    As for Mr. Nth, it seems that some people are annoyed or even upset by what he says here, but I find it very entertaining. It's like a movie unfolded in front of me, and it tells me more and more about the main character. Well, you guys, if you may, look at it in a different way and enjoy the movie. --zpdrmn

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  22. Why nobody suggest the conspiracy theory that Nth and Wong Sir are/is in fact same person 。。。。。。he is experimenting hypothesizing NEW LATEST philosophy principle/ doctrine by observation of all the other people‘s reaction!

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