20130717

聞過則喜

很多人都接受不了別人的批評,就算批評的只是小過失或小缺點,亦會不以為然,也許能裝作若無其事,心裏已然不快。假如被批評的乃聲名、面子、或形象攸關之事,有些人更會立刻擺出一副作戰姿態,一定死不認錯,有你沒我。

接受批評的最高境界,當然是子路的「人告之以有過則喜」(《孟子》〈公孫丑上〉)。陸九淵擴而充之,而有「聞過則喜,知過不諱,改過不憚」(《與傅全美書》)之說,是知與行都兼顧了。其實,「知過不諱」(不隱瞞自己的過失)和「改過不憚」(不怕困難、努力改過)都可以在行為上強迫自己做到,反而是第一點的「聞過則喜」無法勉強 --- 假如你聞過不喜,你是沒可能強迫自己當下由不喜變為喜的。

怎樣的人才會聞過則喜呢?自大和自卑的人都不會:自大者不能忍受膨脹的自我被迫縮小,自卑者接受不了萎縮的自我給再踏一腳;只有自信而不自滿、力求改善自己的人,才較有機會做到聞過則喜。

打個比方:有些人視自己為一件已完成的名貴雕像,假如給人指雕像有瑕疵,是會非不得已才承認的,因為承認了就等於要降價。有些人視自己為一件已完成的廉價缸瓦,假如給人指缸瓦有裂痕,也是會非不得已才承認的,因為承認了就出售無望,甚至變成毫無價值另外一些人視自己為一件未完成的泥塑,還可以改變形狀,修正塑得不好的部份,著眼點不是價值,而是如何塑成更完美的作品;假如有人指出泥塑的不當之處,那是求之不得,欣然接受,因為可以據此而加以改善。

你視自己為雕像、缸瓦、還是泥塑,要看你的性情、經歷、和修養,前兩者大都不由自己控制,只有修養可以靠自己的努力。然而,就算性情和經歷配合,要修養到聞過則喜,也非一朝一夕之事。因此,聞過則喜的人是稀有品種;假如你能強迫自己做到知過不諱和改過不憚,那已是很不錯的了。

36 則留言:

  1. Excellent advice. Food for thought.

    回覆刪除
    回覆
    1. There is enormous wisdom in traditional Chinese philosophy. I wish I could have studied more of those Chinese classics, but don't know where to start (Analects of the Confucius?).

      Prof, do you have any suggestions for some introductory texts? (FYI, I have a background in physical science.) Thanks a lot.

      刪除
    2. I can't think of any introductory books that I would recommend. Perhaps the best starting point is reading the original texts of 《論語》and《孟子》(with commentary).

      刪除
  2. 聞過不喜是正常反應,我倒不要求修養到聞過則喜的境界;能夠聞過而檢討已很不錯。

    我是聞過則羞,犯了錯或被人找出缺點,心裏有排唔安樂。

    回覆刪除
    回覆
    1. I wasn't going to say anything, but what the heck.
      Let's not talk about how I felt (it varied) when someone, say M, pointed out my mistakes or shortcomings. Let's look at what I would do. (Behaviorism? LOL.) In most cases, I thought about it. In some cases, I made changes in how I behaved or how I did things. Then someone (sometimes that someone was M, who had expressed his/her dislike) told me something like that he didn't like my new way of doing things. If that someone was M, my new way was more or less what he had suggested or implied.
      Now, what would I do.
      唉, 做人難, 做聖人可能易D. (Don't tell me it's not logical.)
      算la. 齐物齐物去吧. 忘記過,喜,修養,羞,聖人,難,易,我,人...但不要忘記女人啊. Hehe. 然後, 忘記这个最懵境界.
      --zpdrmn

      刪除
    2. zpdrmn,
      What the heck. M for mother or McDonald's?

      刪除
    3. I don't follow myself either. --zpdrmn

      刪除
    4. 匿名7/19/2013 3:17 上午,
      M stands for X. It can be Y or Z also. I don't really have a specific person in mind. --zpdrmn

      刪除
    5. zpdrmn,
      news “自動滑上坡 下坡要踩油
      世界第一怪坡 變瀋陽名勝”, 可有興趣探討?
      http://hk.apple.nextmedia.com/international/art/20130721/18342433
      http://hk.apple.nextmedia.com/international/art/20130721/18342435

      刪除
    6. 匿名7/20/2013 5:53 下午,

      Interesting! But I don't think I can figure out the reason(s). I'm not an expert.

      One possibility is that there is another kind of force at work that scientists don't know about. It's not quite probable though, not because scientists know every thing, but because the effect, a macroscopic one, of such force (if exists) shows up but does so so rarely. I mean, even if there is another kind of force, it is not quite probable that in this case, it is the effect of it. But it's still a possibility.

      I think we can rule out nuclear forces, strong or weak. These are short range forces.

      EM force is not likely. I'm thinking about the source and the mechanism. It doesn't seem magnetic. (We can use some non-magnetic materials to test it. We can also test if there is some magnetic field.) There are no motors to convert electricity to mechanical energy. What's the source of electricity anyway?
      EM waves? They produce a big enough pressure (thus force)? Not likely.

      What left is gravitational force (GF). That reminds me of some research on GF some professors of my old school were doing.
      To try to figure out if the rolling upward on that slope has something to do with GF, one needs to bring in some state-of-art apparatus, like those my professors had, to the location and take fine measurements carefully. Well, one can use another approach. (I'm now thinking about other apparatus used in geophysics.) We still need to bring in some apparatus. Without such apparatus and measurements, one can't be sure if it's GF. If it is confirmed, we can try to figure the reason in that direction or we already figure out the reason, depending on what apparatus we use.

      Is it possible that some materials near (underground or surrounding) the top of the slope are so much denser than that near the bottom so that it creates a bigger GF on higher ground that is big enough to counteract the gravity due to the difference in height and make things roll up the slope?
      I am not sure. I'm too lazy to do any calculations. Anyway, like I said above, we need to do some serious experiments.

      P.S. Strange! I guess, without doing any calculations, that the difference in densities is quite large. What materials of big density difference are there. Is it possible? The lesser density can't be that small. I can't figure that out without some digging.
      Wait. There may be some hole underground there, on the side of lower ground. (It helps if there is some big mass, like a big hill, near higher ground.) Okay, now it seems more probable. (It doesn't necessarily mean that it is highly probable now, let alone that it really is the case.) Well, I'll stop here and leave it to the experts.
      Enough 9up from me. --zpdrmn




      刪除
    7. The whole thing can be an illusion. I can't be sure. I haven't been there before.
      I assume above that it is checked out that the slope is like what it is described, the top of the slope is the really the top (on higher ground) and things really rolls uphill.
      --zpdrmn

      刪除
    8. Physicists already figure it out. It is just an illusion.
      http://www.sciencedaily.com/videos/2006/0609-the_mysterious_gravity_hill.htm
      --zpdrmn

      刪除
    9. zpdrmn,
      Thank you.

      刪除
    10. Actually, there is a hole in my searching for an explanation. Congratulations if you find it. -zpdrmn

      刪除
  3. 作為長期讀者, 誠心希望先生亦能以此文自省

    回覆刪除
    回覆
    1. 何出此言?

      刪除
    2. //以此文自省//

      - 這個當然。

      刪除
  4. 可能也與自己當時認為(或感覺)對方對你的批評是出於好意還是惡意有莫大的關係。
    如果你覺得對方是一個好人,批評你是出於好意,你會容易覺得「假如有人指出泥塑的不當之處,那是求之不得,欣然接受,因為可以據此而加以改善」而「聞過則喜」;
    但如果你覺得對方是一個壞人,批評你是惡意的話,你可能會容易覺得對方是利用你的缺點甚至或者是無中生有來「屈」你,目的是想在某個方面傷害你或想你死,當你有那樣的認為時,你會容易本能地為求生存而作出反擊而難以甚至無可能「聞過則喜」了。


    回覆刪除
    回覆
    1. 當然,還有當你覺得對方是介乎「好意」和「惡意」之間的時候,你可能會「聞過則有喜有不喜」吧。:)

      刪除
    2. 對方的意圖和態度當然會影響我們的反應,但不懷好意的批評也可能是對的。

      刪除
  5. 不只聞過則喜, 能夠見賢思齊而不妒也需修為.

    回覆刪除
  6. 聞過則喜幾近逆天而行, 除非天生異稟, 或者後天修為極了得 ~

    做到知過不諱和改過不憚已不錯啦 ~

    Angry~bird

    回覆刪除
    回覆
    1. 其實知過不諱已相當不容易。

      刪除
  7. 聞過則喜不難, 在下在某些事情上有時就是這樣, 但對大部份或所有過失都聞過則喜, 大概聖人都未必能修養到那個境界.

    回覆刪除
    回覆
    1. 在某些事情上做到已很難得。

      刪除
  8. I was very grateful to my dissertation advisor for correcting the errors in my research. Another interpretation of “過”?

    -菊妹

    回覆刪除
  9. 難,就算讀過哲學的,唔見得受到批評。
    或者正因為讀過哲學,就更唔受得批評。

    寫完垃圾文,然後惡到會鬧人唔識欣賞,大有人在。

    回覆刪除
    回覆
    1. 的確大有人在,但能接受批評者也是有的。

      刪除
  10. 各位兄台:
    我是翻墙过来的大陆兄弟。GOOGLE搜索到此,正在研究此倒是! 非常赞同。
    爱因斯坦说过:发现问题,比解决问题更重要。
    问题就是机会!

    回覆刪除